5 Things to know About Divorce Mediation Before Trying it

It is easier to make a decision to divorce than handle all the procedures. Are you facing such issues as the distribution of property (assets/liabilities), child custody and parenting time, child support/maintenance, retirement, etc.? All these are covered by divorce mediation. This is a process when you and your former spouse try to reach mutual agreements and decide what is best for both of you and, of course, your child. The mediator is the third party in this process who helps the couples to get through the issues regarding the divorce. The mediator’s duty is to provide support in resolving the issues in a cost effective and productive way.

Before choosing a mediator as a key to solve your marriage issues, you should know the following about divorce mediation.

Mediator to choose

Do you have an attorney? Actually, he/she can be the best person who could advise you a good mediator. If you are choosing on your own, be careful to find out his/her professional background and experience. It may happen that your mediator is biased and hard to deal with. In such cases fire him/her and try to find another one. Divorce mediation process is an important moment in your life. So be careful while choosing the one to lead you through the process. It is reasonable to meet with several mediators before choosing the right one for you. No matter you choose lawyer mediator or just a mediator. He/she should behave neutrally towards both parties. 

What do you expect from the divorce mediation?

Before heading to the process of divorce mediation, make a clear understanding of what you really want. Trying to do things the way your ex wants is not a better use of divorce mediation. This will prolong the time and expenses of the whole process. You need to mediate a financial settlement, child custody plan, monetary support plan, etc. to get the results you expect.

Avoid arguing

It does not matter that you don’t like your former spouse anymore and you want to shout at him/her for any simple reason. The divorce mediation is not that exact venue to show your negative emotions. Try to bring your thoughts together and establish a sense of trust to get fair results. The better choice is the negotiation which will lead to positive results for both of you. Believe, neither you nor your ex is right or wrong. There isn’t any legal point to win or lose. You have chosen divorce mediation to find a fair settlement of your marital property. Don’t waste your time and energy arguing. Just stick to your point.

Mediation: not for everyone

Before making a decision to start divorce mediation, make sure your case is relevant to it. Mediation can work when both parties want to negotiate an argument. When one party is not able to express opinions fully and without fear or refuses to find compromises, mediation will not be effective for them.

The process

Depending on the state laws and regulations, the court may refer the case of divorce for mediation. As soon as there is a decision for divorce mediation, the parties should find a mediator. The easiest way to find the one you need is to go to community-based or court-annexed mediation centers. The court will appoint a mediator if it made an order of divorce mediation. What refers to fees: they depend on the case and may be either on an hourly basis or by the day or half-day. After choosing the mediator, you and your spouse will meet in the same room. The mediator covers the rules of mediation and explains the process. If at the end no settlement is reached, the parties may decide to litigate.

Lawyers and mediators

Have you hired a divorce attorney? If yes, there is another question: should your lawyer attend divorce mediation with you? Very often mediation session involves the divorcing parties and the mediator himself. Nevertheless, if one party demands having an attorney present, another party should do the same. It may also happen that after attending first mediation without an attorney, you find it necessary to take them with you for the next session. If you cannot state your position or stand up for your rights, hiring an attorney is the best choice to make.

In fact, divorce is not an easy task to resolve quickly. Sometimes it takes a long time and a lot of nerves to handle it. Consequently, to walk this path easier and more quickly,  you just need to consult with a lawyer and mediator. Focus on what you really want now and in the future. It will give clarity and move you forward through the divorce process. If you think that divorce mediation is the right way to get best out of your divorce situation then don’t wait. This is the best time. Don’t sit back and wait. Find your legal safeguard and honorably fight the battle of divorce.

By the way, if you feel uncomfortable in divorce mediation sessions without an attorney, our skillful attorneys are here to join the sessions and give a legal helping hand you need.


  • I agree that you want to make sure you choose the right mediator for your divorce. Their experience and background will make a big difference. I like your suggestion of meeting with several different ones first to see who is the best fit for you.

    Gary Puntman
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